to my parents: i just need time away from you guys.
I recently came home from college may 7 or was it may 8, i don’t recall. I realized how much better I could have done at college, there are always going to be those regrets as to why i didn’t study more or why i spent so much time on other things (socializing;hanging out with friends). I didn’t do well at all this semester and of course it shows through my GPA and grades itself. I made a compromise with my dad didn’t if i didn’t get a certain GPA then he would take me out. I know Montclair may not be the best school, as my dad refers it too “it’s a school where low level kids go to; where everyone gets accepted.” Basically, he thinks it’s like Brookdale Community College but it’s bigger and students can dorm there.
College definitely changed me, i would always sit at my desk that faced the window and I was able to see the new york city skyline EVERYDAY unless it was raining out which was 50% of the time. It’s always raining at montclair, what can ya do? haha I would always think about working in the city when i grow up.
*As soon as i got accepted to Montclair I didn’t know what I wanted to major in yet, I went to a few presentations provided by MSU on acceptance day. I was really interested in biology. I took Advanced Biology i believe sophomore year in highschool and I didn’t get the best grade but my parents would always push me to become a doctor or nurse or a physician because i’m so good with children and family and i’m very ‘caring’. My dad told me at acceptance day that I shouldn’t go to college or Montclair if i don’t even know what i want to major in yet. He didn’t want me to go to college as “undeclared” because 1) it is a waste of money. But i wanted the whole college experience, i didn’t want to go to Brookdale and see all my high school friends and the dumb ones who didn’t even get accepted to college. I’m not gonna lie, i told my dad i wanted to go see the biology presentation and i thought it was really interesting, i did, i swear. My dad thought it would be a good idea so hello freshman year, there i was. I was ready to go to my classses; meet my professors. First semester i only took 4 classes and i was just adapting to college so i thought 5 classes were alot only because I was taking a 4 credit class that had a lab with it so it was alot for me. Writing screwed up my GPA that semester. Thank you professor fiore, FUCK YOU. Well as i was saying, second semester i made a schedule that i thought I wouldn’t be too overwhelmed with, i was really confident. Found out, i did EVEN WORSE. My parents think i partied too much but to be quite honest, i went out once every other week. My parents would always get text messages from my friends asking where i would be going out that night, I’M SORRY I’M SO POPULAR AND THAT I HAVE MORE CONNECTIONS THAT OTHER PEOPLE MAY NEVER HAVE. I will tell you the truth, because of shradha and because she is very outgoing, she was friends with one of the brothers at a frat called TKE. Tke at rutgers newark is a diverse asian frat, me, medha and shamika and a huge group of my 5th floor friends went out one night to see what the big deal. Everyone thought me and shamika are so popular because we knew our one friend that was a brother there, little do they know we didn’t evne know any of hte brothers. Word of mouth grew, friends of mine gave my number and shamika’s number to other people and that’s why because that one time i had dad’s phone because my phone broke, friends kept contacting dad thinking i still had that same number. Towards the end of the semester, steven told me that as a bio major i shouldn’t be going out as much as him because bio and marketing are two complete different majors.
2nd semester, i made so many new friends. I just started to become closer to Marie and I started going to UAASO; seeing new faces and just becoming friends with everyone. I became so much closer to people in UAASO, they were like my third family. 1st familly= home 2nd family=5th floor 3rd family=UAASO club. If i ever had a problem, i could talk to anyone and walk to anyone’s room and just cry my eyes out and the main people i would talk to would be : Medha, Shamika, Marie, Natasha, Janel, Meaghan, Kyle, Colleen. I’ve met so many new friends, when i came home i didn’t want to see any of my friends at home, okay that sounds bad but I’ve literally spent my whole year with my 5th floor friends and some i never thought i would ever be friends with. I didn’t want to come home and even see my parents because everyone at school were either my sister or brother, literally. That’s why i never called my parents, my brother on the other hand i would try to talk to him but i guess distance kept us apart, what a lame excuse. Everytime i tried to talk to him, he would always say hey, what’s up, i’ll ttyl.
I’m sorry I didn’t do well in school. I’m sorry i don’t work well under pressure. Steven thinks the way my parents brought me up, i just wasn’t ready for college.
My parents haven’t found out about any of my grades. I’ve known since two days ago. When they do find out i’m going to either get my ass whipped by a belt; get punched in the head about 5 times; get books thrown at me; smacked and all of the more worse things you can think of..
This past weekend, my dad was signing me up for a membership at Work Out World and he was trying to figure out whether or not he should get the whole year one or freeze account membership depending on how good or bad my grades were. I told him i didn’t do well in bio. I was scared to tell him i didn’t do well in precalc so i left it at that. A D in biology, F in precalc and Bs in my two other electives. How the hell.. i’d rather commit suicide than face my parents.
We were at WOW in one of the rooms, when the worker left my dad asked me how i did it. And you know what, i told him the truth. Unlike steven who told him he got all As and Bs. BULLSHIT. you told me in the car steven that you got Bs and Cs. Well I told you the truth well sorta.. and of course you laughed/smirked and then after when we got in the car you went VIET KONG on my ass. You know, I haven’t had an actual heart to heart conversation; or even yet a small conversation with you dad since that day at WOW. I understand how upset you are, I understand that you don’t want me to follow in stephen’s steps. but i’m not, i’m going to tell you straight up: YOU’RE RIGHT, I’M NOT READY FOR COLLEGE. ARE YOU HAPPY? I’M NOT. I’M SORRY I’M NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO GO TO COLLEGE. Dad it sucks that i haven’t talked to you since that day at WOW, i wanted to call you this week just to say hi and say that i miss talking to you and that i love you and that i’m sorry for upsetting you but i was too scared to even pick up the phone. When you called mom’s cell that one day, i saw it was you but i didn’t want to pick up the cell so i ignored it because i thought the first question you would ask is : how did you do grades wise? The fact that i’m scared to talk to you, breaks my heart because i’m daddy’s girl and now i can’t even talk to you.. I can’t even sit you down without you being stubborn and telling me to shutup when i tell you “i tried”. You quench your teeth and look at me with your eyes like the incredible hulk and scream shut up and then when you lose it, you punch me in the head.
I talked to vivian and i told her that i’d rather runaway then face you. Or that i’d rather commit suicide than face you and mom and steven (who also takes both your sides).
She texted me:
(about you dad) And i know its tough but hes like this because he has your best interest at heart. He gains absolutely nothing by you doing well in school, it’s just for you and whats best. and sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with him and he needs to know that you tried ur best and you’ve learned from your mistakes .but that’s all it is. It’s really not gonna be a big deal. It’s just about how well you are going to handle it. You can runaway and prove to him you’re not ready for college or be mature. He’s gotta accept it and that’s that.
Viv has made such a huge impact on my life. Towards the end of second semester we connected on another level, we’re practically like sisters. She’s like my older sister that i never had but wanted. She takes good care of me; feeds me; buys me stuff; does my makeup; dresses me up; watches over me and makes sure i’m doing the right things, hanging out with the right people. It was nice to have such a connection coming from the same family with our dads being brothers, we would always talk about the same thing and how much our dads expect from us. I love you vivian, i really do. You’re my favorite cousin, especially because i matured just a little bit more, it made me realized how special cousins are. Because the less i was connected to steven this past year, i was able to connect with you. I loved coming to rutgers newark and hanging out with you, i loved meeting all the RAs and all your friends. I learned alot from you like how you’re wise with money; how diligent and hard working you are (ex: 30 page research paper—> you would stay up till 9 in the morning working on it) (ex: working on a project because you’re an RA and going to bed at 2 in the morning); you make the most out of everything you do. I wish we hung out alot more first semester. Thank you for always being there for me, and i wish you the best of luck at NYU. i love you <3
Tonight, viv canceled her plans just so she could pick me up. That’s how much she cares about me, she knows my situatoin and knows i need time away from you. So why don’t you just blow up now while you can or when you see me you can slap me all you want. It’s fine. you can tell me as many times as you want “it’s your life, do what you want” well i’m not ready for college.
But thank you, thank you for giving me this great opportunity to meet my life long friends. Mom, when you asked me who i was talking to on the phone in privacy that was Janel, my best filipino friend and Shamika and Medha. Janel and Marie have helped me so much along the way. I never thought i would make such a nice group of friends in college, but i did. Thank you for that.
I’ve been listening to this song 24/7 for the past weeks. The only song that is actually keeping me sane right now. No one understands me, but it’s okay. :)
(this blog is focused on 5th floor friends who lived in clara barton only)
Fall Semester 2011, the first time I had ever been so frightened, nervous, excited all at the same time. Finally going to college was a huge step and having an older brother who was already a sophomore in college helped me out and prepared me for what I was going to face. Having the most supportive parents was a huge pat on the back as well.
Before I moved in, I had been accepting friend requests left and right; sending friend requests to all the new freshmans graduating the same year as i would be on the MSU class of 2015 facebook page during the summer. I’m an amazing stalker haha so i scoped out the weird people to the friendly people to the bitches/jocks. I had sent this one girl a friend request and we started to talk and found out we had a lot in common (not the same major though). She happened to be my roommate first semester. Thank you facebook! Shikha was my roommate first semester and I was so excited because after talking to her for so long through texting/emailing/facebook chats we were finally going to meet on acceptance day. Acceptance day was so nervewrecking just because I would see so many faces that weren’t familiar but i love meeting new people so it was nice to become friends with so many new people who were in the same boat with me. I finally met my roommate Shikha and we connected instantly! Perfect roommates, so you would think.
Before i had moved in, Shikha got a job at the student recreation center (gym) so she was allowed to move in earlier than i was. We lived on 5th floor Clara Barton in Machuga Heights. The first day i moved in, my parents along with Shikha and RAs had helped me out. There i met ryan hardin and jose!! It took about 2 hours having to move in, checking in with my “golden ticket” (fucking willy wonka). I was all settled in and said my final goodbyes to my parents and my mom i knew she was almost to the edge of crying, thank god she didn’t or I would’ve. Shikha and I decided to walk around campus and find our classes, etc.
It was the second night at MSU and Shikha and I were going to look around, but our floormates happened to be sitting in the middle of the hallway “meet and greet” kind of thing. But instead they were playing TRUTH OR DARE. It was a fun way to get to know eachother and we were all laughing having a good time. That’s when I first met Dominique, Vic, Nicole, Chris F, Chris A, Kyle, Colleen, Nicole..etc For some reason I hated Kyle, maybe it was his sarcastic atitude haha (<3 you kal if you’re reading this).
I didn’t think our floor would bond, the first semester at school, I was just adapting and finding my inner self, as cliche as that sounds, i was! Shikha and I decided to go out one night and to our first club that’s when I met her coworkers (Taryn, Gabriella, Lauren) And their roommates came out with us to Wild bull (Alyssa, Samantha, Medha).
Medha
Omg where do i start? Well before we went out that night i did some research and knew you were already friends with bianca so i thought that would be a good way to start up a conversation HAHAHAHA. That first night we were going to go to Farid’s apartment to drink with sam, gab, lauren, shikha, taryn, alyssa, shikha. Not gonna lie, i thought you were a bitch but i soon learned that you are the farthest thing to a bitch unless you have your sarcastic funny moments, you are so down to earth and sweet and behind every thing you always have a story to tell HAHA i love you. examplee! leaving your bags at the train station —> meeting parth, getting hit on—> driving to the police station—> finding all your bags. I will never forget our random run ins with neil and shyam walking together when you,me,sham are leaving the diner at midnight or walking behind them to get a closer look at their sexy faces/body while walking back from the library LMAO. I was so happy to meet someone who lived close to me and because of Shamika, i thank her for bringing us closer :) If you get accepted to Ohio, which i promise you will, i hope you have an amazing college experience there and i wish you the best of luck but don’t you DARE forget about me, okay? get it, got it, GOOD. I love you so much for always being there for me to giving me really good adivce to always listening my side of the story to never ending laughter. BYE DREAMBOY. HE WAS OOGLAY ANYWAY. jokessss :D
Shamika.
The following night Shikha and I were about to go to Farid’s apartment but before we went out Shikha had invited our next door neighbor Shamika. OMG WHERE THE HELL DO I START WITH YOU? Well I guess i have to thank her.. don’t i? That first night at farid’s apartment with garth, shikha and ethan. We didn’t even do anything that night nor did we even drink that much but we connected just like that (the three of us) and had so much fun making fun of garthvader LOL Ethan drove us back because it was pouring cats and dogs and he had to park in Car parc WHY -____- So we ran from Car parc to Machuga (10 minutes approx)hahahah you and i ran like idiots with our shoes off screaming and shikha was holding hands with ethan awks. LOL that night you couldn’t find your key so you stayed the night in our room and we made ramen. We put our bowls together and took a picture because mine was the reddest, shikha’s was a orange color and yours was white hahaha we felt bad so me and shikha put our beds together so we could all sleep there. Such a fun night <3 After Shikha decided to commute because of financial troubles, you were my first actual best friend that stuck out with me. It was first you and Kristen but since we lived right next to eachother we hung out more and saw each other EVERY DAY. I will never forget the one night we went out with neil, henry, kristen, andrea and end up at a house party. We leave with azad, phil and blu because it was so boring and they decided to leeave early and they asked us to come so we did. It was just you and me and we get to the village and meet ryan there. We didn’t have any other way to get into the village so phil and azad open the sliding door with their hands (illegal) especially since we weren’t residents. Apparently RAs saw us and caught us the first time, and the second time I don’t know why we went back in but we took the elevator and the same RAs caught us the second time. They wrote us up and we had to go through so much shit together <3. From getting harrassed and annoyed to lieing and fessing up to making appointments with the village director to putting one of them on a restraining order to meeting the actual director in the student center to telling the truth to telling the names of who opened the doors to being put on probation and having to submit 3 online tutorials/ 5 page paper on the responsibilities of an individual. I remember one of the nights them two came to your room and you were so scared i called the RAs from the front desk to get them out but they left before they came because they were scared of will LMAO i got your back no matter what. But you know what sham, we did it ! :)) That’s all that matters. No matter what trouble we get into, we have each other and we’ll always be there for each other no matter what the problem is. That’s what i love about you, you never backed down once. Our boy crazy problems, always planting seeds ;)) Our first night you, me and medha went out to TKE at Rutgers Newark. Connections man.. dear god. Being friends with nuel through Shradha :) Oh the good timesss. We first went there and had the most amazing time. So we brought our floormates and 4th floor friends and had the best time ever because we were all best friends and because we went there early, no one was there so we took the dance floor. While everyone else was dancing or drinking you and me were bonding and introducing ourselves to the other TKE brothers (our way in ) ;). BITCH WE WERE PLANTING DEMMMM SEEDS LMAO I LOVE YOU. We became so close to our favorites (rhys, ry, nuel) but the more we went there we knew all the brothers. Navi was like our big brother that watched over us. We became friends with pedro, tony, mike jones… -___-, brian cabral!!, joe dilag, and james LOL. Don’t get me started sham .. ;) I will never forget the one night you and I were leaving tau delta phi because it was super packed and danny was calling us out of nowhere and we saw him in the car with his friend kunal, and jill and moises in the back of the car. We fit in the car thankfully and went back to montclair. We were in your room drinking green tea with svedka us four (danny,kunal, you and me) and i decide to text rhys and tell him to come with a friend to come hang out with us. Well they come as in RHYS AND RY LOL we had to walk all the way to alexandar kasser theatre to find them and then guide them to nj transit to park and you were walking with ry and i was talking to rhys just talking and we go to my room because yours was a mess LOL well kristen comes later and we started to play kings. someone decided to shut the lights off and then things got interesting.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA ICAN’T EVEN. Adams was so fun that one night after we couldn’t get into nujoomsz (hookah bar). It was so awkward in the beginning but we let loose and had so much fun bonding. When mike tried to sleepover..omggg. awks but we both pretended our roommates were in our rooms so he had nowhere to sleep . he was such an angry drunk, oops #sorrynotsorry. Seeing eachother EVERY DAY and hanging out 24/7 we were always laughing no matter what even about little things. I love you so much, and maybe i won’t be at montclair this coming fall but just remember i’m only a phone call away <3 WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME AND YOU BEING MY FIRST BEST FRIEND AT COLLEGE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. Best of luck to you this coming year. good luck babygirl <3 I’m going to miss our four loco chugging; planting seeds; laughing all the time; hanging out in kyle and chris’s room; yoloing; tweeting back and forth to eachother even if we’re sitting next to eachother; making plans with our tke boys; eating and scoping out the hot guys at sams; making rounds at sams “pretending to get an apple”; watching you be anal about your bedsheets; making fun of kyle about lena and max; train rides ; and of course can’t forget out 5th floor shenanigans. :( xoxox
Janel
WAIT NOW LET ME JUST SAY TWO THINGS. 1) OMG SAME 2) FAVORITE FILIPINO I actually don’t remember when we started to get closer but I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. I might have not said that enough, but I enjoy your company and I love saying you’re one of my best friends. You literally fulfill every requirement that a best friend should be and I say this will all honesty. I will never forget the one night you, me, marissa, emily, shamika went to downtown Montclair. We scoped out all of the nice restaurants and made sure the restaurants weren’t too pricy, I mean come on we’re broke college students haha we were going to go eat Cuban Pete’s until you and I saw a thai restaurant. We sat down and the first thing that comes to my mind is thai iced tea and chicken pad thai <3 You and I shared the iced tea and everyone either ordered the chicken pad thai or something related to chicken. The chicken pad thai was too die for, my mouth is watering as i write this post haha. The waitress asked if we were interested in getting dessert, everyone was too full but you and I just said yes to everything LOL that’s what i love about you, you’re always up to do something and you never answer with a no. We ordered fried ice cream.. WAIT I CAN’T EVEN OMG SAME. OMG SAME X12121212121212 LOLOLOL IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. The first bite we took, we took a picture haha it was vanilla ice cream fried with chocolate /caramel drizzle. UGH YUMMMMM. Everyone watched us eat it and enjoy it :)) That night we walked around, saw my asian family HAHAHAHAHAHAHH and took a picture with them; shopped at Urban outfitters (i remember you telling me you couldnt buy anything or your parents would’ve killed you) LMAO ; went to starbucks and then took the bus back home. That was definitely the spark of our friendship. I will never forget one night you and I were feeling spontaneous so took a trip into the city at around 7 at night. We got to penn station and went to a korean restaurant. We waited in line for a table for about 20 minutes but it was definitely worth the wait :)) We had bulgogi (beef dish with noodles and broth) and side dishes and egg custard IT WAS AMAZING. Afterwards to finish it off we had red mango, walked around; made a policeman take a picture of us; went shopping at forever21 and went home. It was so fun because we talked about almost everything and whenever it’s just us two, when do we ever not laugh or have a good time? For your birthday, it was you, me and marissa. We dressed up that night even though it was frigid cold, we ate at chevy’s and marissa and i were trying to be secretive and payed for you :)) I hope you enjoyed your burritos/tacos !!! You deserve to have a wonderful birthday i mean me and marissa were so happy we could be there for you especially since you live so far from msu, we are part of your family “msu family rather” :D <33333333333 I was so happy i was invited first of all and was considered your best friend. I know you , you’re very picky with who’s part of your group of friends and I’m just so glad i could be part of it because i love you so much!!!!!!! I will never forget when the tragedy in your family happened, i will never forget when that one person you needed wasn’t there for you. Nor do i ever expect for you to forgive him, i mean first of all YOU NEVER CALL SOMEONE UNLESS IT’S URGENT AND IT WAS URGENT. He acted nonchalant about the whole issue fcking dumbass immature little bitch who i thought was gay when i first met him AWKS. I love you and trishia so much and your family is so strong and i praise your parents because you already have so many siblings and being religious is just another reason why i respect you so much more. I will always be here for you. I might not have a phone until i get good grades but you can always reach me on my home phone. Our 5th floor family bonded so much towards the end of 2nd semester and i’m so thankful that i’ve met such an amazing group of people. I’m so thankful i was able to meet you because you’re one of my closest friends. Whenever I’m in need of a friend because I felt overwhelmed or if i was annoyed you always asked if i was okay even the nights before when we came back from NJIT, YOU NEVER FAILED TO ASK IN THE MORNING TO TEXT ME AND ASK ME IF I WAS OKAY. Friends never do that, only best friends do, that is why i love you so much. You’re one of few people who i can actually cry in front of and not care and it’s a good feeling knowing i’m comfortable with certain people. I can’t trust people easily , you know that and you know all my problems because I’ve literallly told you EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH. Thank you for listening to my complaints and problems <3 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. STAY STRONG GIRL, I KNOW WHAT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH. I WISH I WAS ABLE TO TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN THAT MONTH where everything just fell through.
Kyle and Max
I don’t know why I hated you the first week at MSU. I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS PROBABLY SHIKHA WHO MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT YOU LOLOLOL. I guess i wasn’t used to your sarcastic atitude because I never had any friends like you. I’m not gonna lie, i think max brought us closer. HAHAHAHAH I remember you told me that the only reason i started hanging out with you now was because i thought max was cute, HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. The more i think about it , that was the reason. I mean I wouldn’t have hung out in your room if max hadn’t come in the first place. SO THANK YOU MAX FOR YOUR CUTENESS. However the more and more we became closer, i realized how stupid i was for thinking max was cute. I realized you were dumb and he was dumber like the horses’ buttcheeks I tagged you both in HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA frickin kyle CUNTman and max FILLUPMYPUSSY. I love you both so much, you and max are like my best friends <3 I want you to know that if i ever hurt your feelings, I’m sorry!! I will never forget when me and Shamika messaged Lena and told her if she wasn’t interested in you then i would totally bang you but “already did” so lena called you as soon as she saw my IM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA. she told me that i probably had AIDs because you did and i sucked your dick..OOPS. LMFAO 5th floor yolo hang out night were always in your room or janel’s room. I’m going to miss watching that show that only came on monday nights where the three guys make fools out of themselves; eating ramen on our drunk nights; partying with youu and max and watching you two dance; cuddling in your bed; messing up your bedsheets and annoying you; taking shits in your bathroom; playing your guitar and making up songs.
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I’m so thankful I was placed on the 5th floor or I wouldn’t have met my lifelong best friends. The ones i eat dinner with; hang out with constantly; make fun of; sing call me maybe to; take train rides to njit together; scream SAME to in the hallway even if it’s 3 in the morning; eat sushi with; play frisbee with and meet a creepy guy who might commit suicide named danny; go on cups/ wawa dates; or yolo with <3 I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH .
